Chapter 39
“……”
As if he had finished everything he had to say, Karl lightly patted Madam Giggs on the shoulder, straightened his posture, then turned and walked away down the dim corridor.
Madam Giggs remained bent at the waist until even the sound of his footsteps faded.
“E-excuse me, Madam.”
Only when the maids, unable to bear it any longer, called out to her did Madam Giggs finally straighten up. She neatly tucked the few loose strands of hair behind her ear and smoothed her clothes. Her appearance was so meticulously composed it bordered on obsessive, leaving the maids speechless, but Madam Giggs, maintaining a rigid posture, knocked on the door to the Empress’s reception room.
“Your Majesty the Empress, this is Hannah Giggs. May I come in?”
The Empress sat with her arms crossed and legs crossed, eyes closed.
“Your Majesty the Empress.”
“If you have something to say, say it. I’m listening.”
Madam Giggs found it difficult to open her mouth. When she remained silent, the Empress slowly lifted the eyes she had closed.
“Do you have something to say?”
Lowering her gaze, Madam Giggs chose her words, then finally spoke with difficulty.
“I was the Chief Steward of the Imperial Palace appointed by the late Empress, and also the wet nurse of His Highness the Grand Duke.”
“I know.”
“At the same time, I cared for one more infant. It was entirely unofficial, and very few people are aware of this.”
“?”
“I was also… the wet nurse of His Majesty the current Emperor.”
At those words, Adele’s eyes widened ever so slightly.
“Why are you telling me this now?”
“…Deep within his heart, there is still a child who never managed to grow up.”
“……”
“A child desperate to be loved, yet never truly loved—one who received not proper love but twisted love, and thus curled inward.”
After asking for permission, Madam Giggs carefully sat opposite the Empress. Then she began to recount a long, long story of the past—the story of a boy who had been the illegitimate son of the late Emperor.
Madam Giggs’s tale went on for quite some time.
When her own maid gave birth to the Emperor’s son, the late Empress’s stress reached its limit. Yet the Emperor made the maid’s child the Empress’s adopted son and designated him as heir. It was a decision neither the late Empress, who could not bear a son, nor the child’s biological mother could easily accept.
Separated from his birth mother, the child grew up in the Empress’s palace regardless of the late Empress’s wishes. He was six years old when he learned that the woman he thought was his real mother was in fact a stepmother who deeply despised him. When, at the age of seven, he sought out his biological mother, she was already half-mad and no longer sane. One of the major pillars of the child’s being was inevitably twisted.
There was only one reason Madam Giggs was telling Adele all this: to improve the relationship between the Emperor and the Empress. After all, relationships between people can only be properly formed by understanding the other.
So when the story ended, she hoped that at the very least Empress Adelaide would feel a sliver of compassion for the Emperor—but Madam Giggs did not know the Empress well.
The Empress let out a long sigh and swept her hair back. Between the black strands, her golden eyes gleamed sharply.
“So the reason the Emperor was hostile toward me from the moment we first met was because he places me and the late Empress on the same line—is that what you mean?”
“Your Majesty the Empress.”
“When I first arrived here, I pondered this. At what point had I ever met Emperor Ehmont and built up animosity between us? I saw even his portrait for the first time on my way here. So how bewildered do you think I was by his hostility?”
“……”
“Yet it never occurred to me that it was a deep-seated attachment and resentment toward the very position of Empress itself. In what way am I the same as the late Empress?”
“It is not a rational judgment, but something that rises instinctively, without conscious awareness.”
“If an Emperor seated on the supreme throne lets instinct take precedence over reason, that is precisely the problem!”
Adele snapped angrily, and Madam Giggs continued, her expression troubled.
“However… as you yourself said, he is the supreme ruler.”
“……”
“Your Majesty the Empress, he is the supreme ruler, and he is your spouse.”
“So?”
“……”
“So you’re saying I should lower myself and cater to the Emperor’s mood to secure my authority as Empress? Then you should have said so when you proposed bringing in an aide. Why say it only now? Was it because you never imagined that Prince Baldur would come and offend the Emperor’s sensibilities back then?”
Madam Giggs did not answer that it was not so. Adele leaned toward her, pressing down the lava boiling within her chest with sheer force of will.
“On my very first day here, Dian Poitiers came to see me and said she would tell me about His Majesty’s preferences.”
At those words, Madam Giggs’s eyes flashed sharply.
“How dare she!”
“Yes, how dare she. She dared to come to me and say such a thing. She told me to adjust my appearance to suit His Majesty’s tastes.”
At that, Madam Giggs lowered her head and apologized in her stead.
“I apologize.”
“You have no reason to apologize. But tell me—what difference is there between what you just said to me and what Dian Poitiers said that day?”
“Your Majesty the Empress…”
“Do you know what I replied to her? I said that never in my life—not even once—have I considered molding myself to another person’s preferences.”
“……”
“An unconditionally accepting, passive existence. A comfortable companion who comes when called and leaves when told.”
And was that all? Listening now, wasn’t it also telling her to shoulder even the shadow of a late Empress she had never even met, and become a convenient target for abuse?
“And what a pity. I am, by nature, an uncomfortable person. Even in Gothrof, there was no one who found me easy to deal with. Nor do I desire that. I loathe being thought of as convenient and easy, so easy that I’m not even considered. I am a very selfish person.”
“……”
“It seems he wants to dump faults that aren’t even mine onto me and vent all his resentment—but I have no intention whatsoever of accepting that.”
“But if you wish to be comfortable here, Your Majesty the Empress—”
Before the blazing golden eyes, Madam Giggs trailed off. A shiver ran through her, as though every tiny hair on her body stood on end.
“Comfortable? Did you ever ask me what my standard of comfort is?”
The more she thought about it, the more absurd it seemed, and Adele could not suppress a bitter laugh.
“There is a child curled up deep within the Emperor’s heart, unable to release his resentment? There is probably such a child within my own heart as well—one that should be patted on the back and embraced. Unfortunately, I do not possess the generosity to embrace the child within the Emperor while being beaten unfairly myself.”
“……”
“And think carefully. If I keep bowing and catering to the whims of a child who cannot even properly recognize his own heart, will that truly make things better? Isn’t that neglect?!”
Under the Empress’s rapid-fire reproach, Madam Giggs bowed her head and apologized.
“…I overstepped.”
“You did.”
“I am sorry.”
Madam Giggs sprang to her feet and bowed deeply. Faced with the apology of an elderly woman, Adele could no longer reproach her. It wasn’t that she didn’t understand the advice she had been given.
“I was the Crown Princess of Gothrof. If what others call ‘comfort’ matched my own standard, I would not be here now.”
If becoming Emperor had been her life’s goal and her everything, she would have died the day she relinquished the title of Crown Princess.
“But what is most important to me—what I intend to protect above all, Madam Giggs—”
Adelaide spoke firmly, almost in a whisper.
“—is myself.”
My ideals. My convictions. My pride. My honor. My everything.
“The most important thing in this world is nothing other than myself—Adelaide herself. That comes even before the position of Empress. Therefore, I would rather die than obey an order to do nothing but breathe while being manipulated according to others’ wishes. Do you understand?”
Madam Giggs closed her eyes and tightly clasped her hands.
“Please forgive me.”
“If it is difficult to serve someone like me as Empress, say so at any time.”
“I am truly sorry.”
Adele let out a long breath and turned away. Then, squaring her shoulders and straightening her back, she walked into her room with an upright stride.
A stifling darkness washed up to her throat like rippling water. She buried herself in that darkness and held her breath for a long while.
＊ ＊ ＊
Meanwhile, the Emperor, who had stormed out of the Empress’s palace, went to see Dian without any notice.
Dian, just about to go to bed, leapt up from her bed and rushed out upon hearing that the Emperor had arrived. A heart that had been wandering through hell soared straight to the gates of heaven at the single news of his visit.
The Emperor stood there, motionless, like the dim night itself.
“Your Majesty.”
When Dian called to him in a soft voice, his darkened gaze settled on her.
“…Did something happen?”
